The Poltergeist That Spells Destruction.
By Anonymous
I have a poltergeist that terrorises me from inside, a wicked character that feeds on my insecurities and traumas with the sole aim of destroying the good character that has being held back by my mind for too long. I do not know its face, its gender, or its true identity but for the purpose of this article we shall give it a friendly name in the hope that it removes its first layer of fear. Ladies and gentlemen, with no further ado please allow me to introduce you to Polly.
Polly began its work within the cages of my mind around the same time I hit adulthood, initially bursting onto the scene with a fanfare of anxiety and depression that allowed it to form a narrative within my mind. The wide-eyed optimism that I carried from my youth was one of the first positive traits Polly defeated, and it was this victory that allowed it to get its foot in the door and create a platform from which it could get to work.
A brief history of the word “Poltergeist”. It derives from the German language; Poltern meaning “to make sound” or “to rumble” and Geist meaning “ghost” with the most direct translation into our language being “rumble-ghost” or “a loud spirit”. They have appeared in texts dating back to the 1st century and really began to roll into the mainstream around the 1600s where they became known for their persistence in haunting a person rather than a specific place. Their favourite pastimes included tripping, disturbing and generally throwing hurtful items at people they relentlessly pursued, yet a physical representation of them (much like Polly) was rarely witnessed in the flesh.
Perhaps these early recordings of Polly’s ancestors were a society looking for an explanation for mental health issues. Nearly all of us have experienced a time when the chips were down, and it felt as though there was a supernatural power wreaking havoc on our attempts to do good and let our true character shine through. Polly in its modern reincarnation still enjoys the same hobbies that its kind did all those years ago, enabled by that platform in my mind that the early warning sounds of mental health troubles provided.
There have been far too many times that I have picked myself up from the ground only to find myself tripping with my very first steps; my confidence and self-belief have taken numerous knocks from the creature that dwells in the darkest parts of my mind. Further to this, it has disturbed most of my attempts or desires to build from the rubbles of trauma; it has used my weaknesses and insecurities as a mental propaganda to strike fear into moments of hope. These objects of hurt have often diminished the rays of light before the flame was ever lit.
Polly also terrorises my ability to process pain and moments of trauma, throwing barricades built with self-doubt to prevent from learning from my mistakes.
What could I have done differently?
What could I have changed?
What might have been if I had have done this instead of that?
If you too have found your Polly posing some of those questions, we may bond in one commonality; we cannot re-write history, we cannot change what has already happened. If we allow Polly to arm itself with these weapons of mind destruction, the traumas of our past and our deepest insecurities will continue to haunt us. That Ghost will continue to rumble us.
As long as we have that sickening, unsettling fire burning in that little place that somehow feels like it’s in your mind, throat, heart and stomach simultaneously then Polly and its species will forever have a habitat in which it is able to flourish – it will continue to haunt, taunt and trip us as it sniffs out that unquenchable thirst to self-destruct.
It will haunt us at night by spinning our mind with thoughts that prevent us from sleeping, it will appear in our dreams to try and strike a fear into us that makes us believe there is no escape. Polly will urge us to self-destruct, reminding us with regret of all the times when we could have been a better person.
I haven’t yet figured out how to defeat mine completely, but by learning a little more about Polly -what it thrives on and what it feeds on - I hope that there may be a way to one day rid my mind of the poltergeist that spells destruction.
Hopefully this blog has got you thinking and made you question things. If you feel you would like to explore in more depth, please get in touch for free initial call to help put you at ease and discuss what you would like to get from therapy.
